The Narcissist and his Scripted Illusion

A narcissist puts so much time, effort and energy into fostering the illusion they present to the public, yet they apply nothing towards their own family in reality. The illusion is a farce and it seems the more they perpetuate this image the more they believe their own hype.

The plot in which the narcissist stars is very well planned. He uses the screenplay to skillfully manipulate and exploit the key characters (his family). The family’s parts are only significant in that they serve to promote how wonderful he is so that he may shine and bask in the applause of his adoring audience “the public.” Behind the scenes though lurks another story, but that one will never be written into the script, because it is not the idyllic “Leave it to Beaver family,” but a horror story in which the family lives in his version of “The Stepford Wives.” They must be submissive and docile and if they break from their assigned passive characters there will be repercussions for defying him and he will protect and preserve the illusion at all cost. You can’t have “Prince Charming” act like “Darth Vader” and get the audiences sympathy can you? Eventually the insignificant key characters (his family) no longer want to be confined to playing the two-dimensional characters that they have been locked into. They desire for their roles to be more true to life rather than tightly scripted. Well, the narcissist can’t have the mask of the main character tainted with there lies and jealously so, the narcissist is forced to terminate their contracts and then he replaces them with new players who hopefully will be more grateful for a chance to work under him and follow the dam script just as he has written it.

Codependency

I despise the term codependency. This term is often used in marriage counseling towards the target (partner) of an abuser/batterer and she is defined as having excessive emotional or psychological reliance on her batterer. By using this term the therapist shifts the blame for abuse to be shared equally between the 2 partners. Therapists are taught to be a referee; to navigate and keep the lines of communication between the couple open and fair; to help them hear each other’s grievances and respond with understanding and sincerity. Unfortunately that only works with a healthy relationship that is having difficulty communicating. When you are in a relationship with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and you are asked to share in the blame for your own abuse; you leave therapy not only being labeled as a codependent, but also burdening you with more abuse not only from your abuser, but also from your therapist. Now, once again you are being told that it is you who must change to make the relationship work and isn’t that what your abuser has told you all along?

Abuse is a choice and you do not share in the responsibility for your abusers choice. This is why Domestic Violence Support Groups never recommend marriage counseling because your batterer will only use it to manipulate the therapist and put the blame on you. The correct label rather than codependency would be Traumatic Bonding or Stockholm’s Syndrome which are much more accurate terms in the attachment to the relationship with a narcissist.