I despise the term codependency. This term is often used in marriage counseling towards the target (partner) of an abuser/batterer and she is defined as having excessive emotional or psychological reliance on her batterer. By using this term the therapist shifts the blame for abuse to be shared equally between the 2 partners. Therapists are taught to be a referee; to navigate and keep the lines of communication between the couple open and fair; to help them hear each other’s grievances and respond with understanding and sincerity. Unfortunately that only works with a healthy relationship that is having difficulty communicating. When you are in a relationship with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and you are asked to share in the blame for your own abuse; you leave therapy not only being labeled as a codependent, but also burdening you with more abuse not only from your abuser, but also from your therapist. Now, once again you are being told that it is you who must change to make the relationship work and isn’t that what your abuser has told you all along?
Abuse is a choice and you do not share in the responsibility for your abusers choice. This is why Domestic Violence Support Groups never recommend marriage counseling because your batterer will only use it to manipulate the therapist and put the blame on you. The correct label rather than codependency would be Traumatic Bonding or Stockholm’s Syndrome which are much more accurate terms in the attachment to the relationship with a narcissist.
