Healing

Abuse is a vicious circle that entraps the victim; only through education, support and true understanding can a woman find the courage and strength to leave an abusive relationship and never look back.

Domestic violence is about Power and Control. The abuser needs and wants that control to feel self-worth. No matter what persona an abuser may show the world, they have very low self-esteem. This seems to be a fact that confuses many people. Abusers will put on such performances, making everyone think they are these wonderful people that lead normal lives. It's almost like a split personality, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Only their victim knows the terrifying, abusive side of them. The Power and Control they exert over their victim actually makes them feel a false sense of self-worth.

It took me a long time to realize I was being abused. I thought only physical violence is abuse and this was so far from the truth. Verbal and emotional abuse can be every bit as traumatic as physical abuse. Bruises and even broken bones will heal in a certain amount of time (and abuse does escalate as the victim tries to take her power back as I did), the injuries to your spirit and heart will most often take a lot longer to heal. Healing of your emotional well-being has no set time for recovery; every person's healing process for this is different. The lingering effects of abuse on the survivor and her child/children can sometimes take years to heal.

The one thing that seems to affect the healing process more than anything is our own individual feelings. If you have a positive outlook on things and keep pushing the negative out of your mind, it can make a huge difference. If you feel good about yourself, knowing you are not perfect and that no one is meant to be... Knowing you are not at fault, that the ONLY person's behavior you can control is your own. In other words, if you think like a Survivor rather than a victim, you will be a Survivor!

Change is not always easy; it can be extremely difficult at times. But, compared to living in an abusive relationship, freedom is a whole lot better than walking on eggshells, waiting for that next episode of violence, trying to figure out what to do to fix everything; when the problems are not yours to fix, to begin with. These feelings along with so many others make life without abuse much easier to deal with. It is your life and you have the choice of what you make of it. It becomes your choice and no one else's.

It is a daily struggle to overcome abuse and its effects. It is hard to sort through all of the different feelings that come out as you begin to heal. It is important to tell your story and find people who will listen and not pass judgments on you; what we have been through; or what we may be still be going through.