I thought when I divorced my exN (narcissist) I would be free of his tyranny, but I was wrong. When you have child/children with a narcissist the connection is not severed with divorce; it continues and so does the abuse until the child is of legal age and you are free to permanently cut all ties. Although, I’ve set boundaries in the way he can communicate with me, it still doesn’t thwart his email threats and attacks. I no longer fear him; he’s nothing more than a playground bully. He’s like the “Wolf” in the “Three Little Pigs,” always threatening to blow my house down if I don’t comply with his command. Over time I’ve learned my house is not made of straw or sticks, but it is made of brick so all of his threats and verbal abuse just bounce off instead of penetrating the wall. You have to protect yourself from the big bad wolf; you need to wear a thick shield of armor, because he will continue to spew his poisonous wrath onto you until you no longer allow it to get under your skin.
When I left my exN I only took my personal belongings; clothes, art supplies/my paintings, sentimental items, and 2 lamps; at a later date before the divorce was final I asked for 2 rugs and my daughter’s bedroom furniture. I realized before I left that everything material that I had accumulated during the marriage wasn’t worth my safety in both body and mind. I remember a woman in my domestic violence support group who said “it’s just stuff and you can get more stuff” those words stuck with me until the day I left. Divorce is never easy and a divorce with a narcissist is like a never ending hate crime against you. A hate crime is usually defined by law as one that involves threats, harassment, or physical harm which is motivated by prejudice, race, color, religion, or ethnicity, but for a narcissist his hate is directed towards you because you’ve peeled away the layers and unmasked the wolf in sheep’s clothing so, he must destroy you to hide his secret. A narcissist fears exposure more than anything else. He is so adept at hiding behind the many masks he wears to shield his true self and when he is exposed and he feels vulnerable; he becomes like an animal cornered and he attacks. Exposure for a narcissist is like in the Greek mythology story of Medusa and if he were forced to gaze upon himself in a mirror; he would see the monster he really is and turn to stone. If he could be honest with himself he would have to initiate and look at the truth that his mask conceals him from seeing, but a narcissist will protect himself at all cost from seeing the truth.
In many ways I pity the narcissist, he is like “Gollum” the pathetic creature from "Lord of the Rings." Gollum is consumed by the ring like a narcissist is consumed by fear; fear of losing his narcissistic supply. Gollum like a narcissist is the inversion of a human being; trapped in a self-contained darkness for which there is no hope of change. I will never forget or forgive the things he has done to me, because those are my life learned lessons. I do choose to forgive him and that forgiveness is for myself, because I feel by not forgiving him I will hold myself a prisoner of my experiences. A narcissist isn’t worth the time and energy it would take to hate or loathe him. He is like the Grinch "Who Stole Christmas" he's a bitter creature whose heart is two sizes too small and I know his heart will never be touched and it will never grow three sizes larger.
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